you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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