How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
