I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
