what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
