when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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