Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
