At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
