Having a random hookup so left but love u
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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