she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
