why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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