3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
