and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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