You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
