Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
