i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
worst night to have a conscience
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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