it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
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