Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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