2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
