ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
