I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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