You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
