I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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