dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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