I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
