I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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