i was born a porn star she said
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
