You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
