the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
