i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
