A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
