***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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