your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
