Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
