Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
