Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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