You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
