watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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