The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am naked and annoyed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
