Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
