I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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