Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
