i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
