he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
