hotel room ftw
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
