Kiss
Puke
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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