he was CRYING into my vagina
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
