he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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