At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There r osticjed everywhere
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize