not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They took my balls.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
