Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
