omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
