I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
