why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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