so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize