Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
