Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
