i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
