can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
