Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
