Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
