He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The struggles of a small town man whore
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
