The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
