dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
