Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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