I can text with my tongue
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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