I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will be naked everywhere
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
