I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize