I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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