I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
