if you like me you must not know who I am
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
