The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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